woman eating salad

10 Nerdy Jokes

  1. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”
  2. “Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, ‘I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.’ The waitress replies, I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?’”
  3. “Day 19, I have successfully conditioned my master to smile and write in his book every time I drool.” — Pavlov’s Dog
  4. “Two women walk into a bar, and talk about the Bechdel test.”
  5. “A man is on his first visit to Boston, and he wants to try some of that delicious New England seafood that he’d long heard about. So he gets into a cab, and asks the driver, ‘Can you take me to where I can get scrod?’ The driver replies, ‘I’ve heard that question a thousand time, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive.’”
  6. “I’m a linguist, so I like ambiguity more than most people.”
  7. “Rene Descartes walks into a bar and proceeds to order many drink[s]. The bartender says to him a while later, seeing he is completely inebriated, ‘I think you’ve had enough.’ Descartes slurs, ‘I think not!’ Then he disappears.” or “Heidegger follows Kant into the bar and asks for a pint of ale, to which the bartender replies, ‘Sorry, last orders was fifteen minutes ago.’ Leaving, he sighs and thinks to himself, ‘I hate not Being on Time.’” or “Kant walks into a bar … only he doesn’t, a prerequisite of movement being three-dimensional space, which is merely an illusory construct of pure intuition.”
  8. “They say a Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you really mean your mother.”
  9. Q: “Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?” A: “Because Oct. 31 = Dec. 25″
  10. “Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on technicality …”

Via Salon.com Cover image via Women Laughing Alone With Salad

Leave a CommentPlease be polite. We appreciate that.

Your Comment